The setting… A Saturday night.  Gord was playing a bit of StarCraft after hours before he was to head home.  These were the dark times before cable internet at the store.  The realm of dial-up was upon us.

After Gord disconnected from the internet, he noticed there was a message left on the answering service.  And this was back when Gord used to check his messages. 

The message on the phone was a personal attack.  Not against Gord, but rather his girlfriend at the time.

Unleash the Gestapo!  Find the fucking coward and bring me his head! 

Boom!  The lockdown on the store was on.  No free game playing in the store.  All people will tabs had their accounts frozen.  No rentals if late charges were unpaid.  No socializing in the store.  The Gord wanted names, and he was prepared to carry everyone's excommunication to the end of time to get the name.

After 3 days, an informant told Gord that he didn't know specifically who made the call, but knew it was made by a group of three.  The names were provided.

The Gord went after the weakest link that probably didn't do it as Gord would have recognized his voice.  The Gord summoned the collaborator.

Sure enough, the collaborator came clean.  He told Gord names, places, the how and the why.  Gord then collaborated the evidence with other witnesses who saw the act from a distance, but did not know what was going on. The Gord then summoned the perpetrator of the event. 

At first Gord was pondering a simple banishment from the store for the person if he came clean and apologized.  Instead, the perpetrator chose to lie and say it must have been someone else.  And then lied about even being at the location of the origination of the call, despite other witnesses saying he was.

Retribution would be at hand!

And then Gord, in his infinite wisdom, had a moment of clarity. The most evil plan that world has ever seen.

A couple days prior, the sink in the washroom at the store had become unhinged from the wall.  It was rather shoddily mounted in the first place, so Gord had hired a plumber to have it fixed who was to be on this very day.

And the Gord sent his sidekick off on the holy quest to begin the downfall of the perpetrator.

To the school went the sidekick.  Down the hall.  High and low, he looked for the perpetrator.  And eventually, he found him.  In the hall, surrounded by people, and it wasn't very loud despite the number of people there.

The sidekick walked up, and in a disgruntled, loud tone, he bellowed:

"I can't believe you were caught masturbating down at the game store!  What sort of sick fuck are you!" 

Well, the halls went silent and the perpetrator didn't know what to do of this.  He was shocked and stunned.  The sidekick then went into telling people how he was sitting on the sink masturbating when it broke, and he then fell to floor.  This is how he was caught as he forgot to lock the door.

Normally such a grand tale would die down as a cruel joke, but people had to know.  To the store they came!  Alone, with friends, however they could.

The Gord instead not to discuss the issue with anyone  He issued a blanket "I don't want to talk about it" which only added to the fire.  Then came in the plumber to fix the broken sink.

That was it.  The evidence at this point was undeniable.  And the cruel joke instead was the horrible truth. 

Our young friend suffered excommunication from all at the school as no one would talk to him.  Sexual jokes were made at his expense right in front of him like he wasn't even there.  There would be no salvation or refuge.

His life was now over.  Hero to zero in the span of a few minutes.

Eventually he did manage to get a girlfriend after a new girl moved into town.  But after a day of "being spanker's girlfriend" she had had enough and dumped him.

After a few months, he ended up moving to Calgary to escape the stigma that had ruined his life.  His parent were separated.  He hated his Dad, but it was a far better fate than what was happening to him here.

And let the anger of Gord be known.