The setting: Wednesday morning on welfare day. How people on
welfare can afford games, I don't know. But they buy a lot.
Much better than food or shelter I guess.
Remember the Far Side where the kid is at the school for the
gifted and he's trying to push on the door when it's labeled
pull? Well, this one kid was trying for two minutes to do the
same thing at Gord's door. Oh this was going to hurt when the
rest of the family showed up.
Finally the mother shows up with a second child and they enter
the store. Around and around they go until they have around 8
or 9 games they want to rent and then they come up to the counter.
"Yes, I want to rent these games."
"Do you have an account here?"
"No I do not. What does it take to sign up an account?"
"A piece of government picture ID and either a credit card
or a social insurance card."
She then tosses down an expired intern drivers license with no
"Ma'am, that is neither government picture ID nor is it a
credit card nor is it a social insurance card."
<now she starts yelling>
"If I'm pulled over in my car and I give that as ID they'll
know it's me!"
"Ma'am, if you were pulled over in your car and you provide
insurance papers and an intern drivers license, then yes,
they'll assume that it's you. However, you are not in your
car and I don't see any insurance papers. Plus it's expired.
You'd be given a $100 fine for driving without a license and
your vehicle towed."
"Just rent me the games!"
"You'll need an account. Perhaps a deposit can be made?"
"I'm going to take my business elsewhere where I am
"You do that."
"I'm going to Video Update!"
"You do that. They charge $5 a day, I charge $5 a week."
And at this time she storms out. Only she left her brilliant
son behind. Then she yells at him to hurry up, and so he
makes a break for the door. Only when he got there the woman
decided to slam the door to make a scene and promptly slammed
it into her son. Ass over tea kettle is the phrase. I'm
surprised there wasn't blood everywhere, he was sent
Then she comes storming back in, grabs her kid who is now in a
state of shock and drags him outside. "Man, this lady is
messed" pondered Gord.
And 30 second later she comes storming back in and yelling.
"I'm going to phone the city on you!"
"For what? Oh no, I won't let someone rent games without
"I'm going to phone the police!"
"Hello? 911? The game store won't rent me any games
without ID or a deposit! Arrest his ass! Now!"
"I'm going to phone the paper!"
"Here, I'll phone them and they can come down to talk to us.
Maybe you'll make the front page for your sheer intellectual
prowess. Will you pose for the picture?"
"I'll phone the government on you!"
(and now it gets really good. Sheer brilliance on this
<and Gord does this in a shocked, scared and shaking voice>
"Oh please… no. Don't do that, please. They'll shut me
down! Please, I beg of you and implore you not to do that.
Whatever you do, don't call the 'Bureau of Video Games and
Customer Service.' I've already got my one warning, and if
they get another complaint they'll shut me down… please,
"Yes, that's exactly who I am going to phone!"
"Are you sure? Look, here is their number. (Gord writes down
my store phone number). Please, don't… I'll be closed down."
"You should have thought of that before you didn't rent to
And she storms out… Let the waiting begin.