Saturn Super System!
When someone bought a Saturn,
they got two things as bonus. The first was a demo CD
that was a giant commercial on why you should buy a Saturn.
Now, at first you're thinking "well, that's just retarded"
until you consider it's just Sega's way of having Saturn
owners sell Saturns to their friends.
"Can we play games?"
"Sure, after you watch this
informative presentation on the reasons why you should buy a
Saturn. And remember, the Saturn can be bought at fine
Anyway, the other thing Sega
gave were some spiffy Saturn stickers.
At the store, Gord had a
double-wide, hard-cover CD case which held 24 CD's and was
black. And one day a Saturn sticker ended up on it.
Eventually the Saturn died,
having never been seen by most people which lead to
interesting times. Occasionally someone would ask if the
case was in fact a Saturn.
"Why yes, yes it is."
"Really? It looks odd."
"But check this out, it
holds 24 games at once! You just put the game in and
never have to take it out or worry about it being scratched."
"Wow! That's cool!"
"It is. Shame the
system didn't do well."
"Why doesn't the PlayStation
"They do in Japan, the
PS-ML, or PlayStation Multi-Loader. Looks a bit like a
multi-disc CD holder for your car. It should be out here
"Great. I'll pick one
Saturn Super System Continued!
The memories of the Sega Saturn.
It made for many fine signs.
The Sega Saturn Super System!
Why pay $150 for a PlayStation when a Saturn is only $75!
Half the price and double the fun!
Further, you don't have to
stress or fret about upcoming games, because there are none!
They're all here NOW! That's right! Every last
game is out now, so no more worrying about those pesky new
releases coming out on odd days or between paycheques!
Or pawing though magazines looking at previews and wondering
what it will really be like! There is no waiting!
For the love of all that is
innocent, do you really want to wait and suffer these
Unlike the 64 controllers give
you arthritis because they are so horrible, and the games
themselves that wreck your eyes by having everything look like
you're wearing glasses with Vaseline smeared on them,
you have only beauty on the Saturn! The finest 2D games
ever made, and it's 3D games don't have that crap
anti-aliasing! That's right! No AA at all!
Sega is here to save your eyes, while Nintendo has recently
invested in several large eyeglass manufacturer chains!
Nintendo is evil and hates you!
You could buy a Sony, but Sony
is Japanese for Satan! Do you want your kids playing on
Satan's console? For the love of your children, don't
buy a PlayStation!
And for every Saturn you buy,
you'll get FIVE, that's right, FIVE free games! On the
N64, these games would carry a retail price of $450!
That's like getting 6 free Saturns! With savings like
that, you could buy another one!
As you can see, the Saturn is
the only console you should be considering. Sega loves
you, and wants only to keep you safe from the scourge that is
Sony and Nintendo.
Won't you buy a Saturn and let
Sega love you?
End, It Had A Use
There eventually came a point
when the store had a large stack of used N64s looking for
homes. And the door was held open in the spring so that
all could enjoy the warming air as we dared to venture outside
of electronic entertainment shrines.
Anyway, the Nintendo 64 proves be
a very effective doorstop when pushed into the frame.
As it was assumed, this was
sacrilegious and offensive to some people, such as blind
zealots and those who fought epic battles and lost many
friends trying to get an N64 at launch.
So a speech bubble was added:
"This is all I am good for."
Well, technically that didn't
actually solve any problems. The same people who were
mad before were still mad, but everyone else laughed.
t's All In
WWF Attitude. Bad game, and far too many copies
produced for the demand. But over the course of a
week, Gord had three backorders for it. Probably
because it was a third the price of Wrestlemania 2000 back
when it first came out.
Anyway, Gord ordered three copies
as part of his order. And in the end, got eleven.
He wasn't charged for the extra eight copies, but he
honestly did not want them. So he phoned the
The distributor didn't want them back. It was going
to cost more in courier costs than it was worth to get them
back. They told Gord to keep them.
So Gord did. And created a sign.
WWF Attitude! Gaming has never been this good, and
it will never be this good again! Forget the lies that
you may have heard that this is a poor game. Those are
from WCW fans! They're just angry because there never
was a WCW game as good as this!
But my friends, gaming like this doesn't come without a
price! What will that price be you ask? Why,
it's make up your own price day! That's right!
You name the price! Be warned though, one of two
things will happen. Either you'll get the game at the
price you offer, or you'll get slapped for such an inane
But isn't the risk for the beauty known as WWF Attitude
worth it? You know you have to be the coolest person
on your block with this game!
This is the greatest game ever!*
*may not be exactly as good as advertised.
In the end, all copies were sold. Prices ranged
from $10 to $20, as well as a trade for two Subway subs from