Makes You Stupid
"I'd like to buy this game."
"Very well then, that will be $45.60 with tax. Also, do
you have a memory expansion for your Nintendo 64? Perfect
dark requires it."
"Are you sure? It's one of these units that plugs into
Gord proceeds to show the customer what he's talking about as
the customer doesn't look so bright by holding a Nintendo 64
up and pointing to the memory expansion slot.
Customer leaves, returns with parent. Speech repeats with
They leave content.
Next day, the customer returns.
"This game doesn't fit my machine."
Gord plugs it into his Nintendo 64.
"Seems to fit into mine. Does your machine work with other
"Sir, that is a GameBoy Advance."
"Perfect Dark didn't fit!"
"Well, yes, I suppose it wouldn't. So when I held up a
Nintendo 64 and pointed out things on it, you didn't say 'that
doesn't look like my machine' because…?"
Need A Job
"What does a PlayStation 2 cost?"
"When is the price going to drop?"
"I would suspect they will be $300 this October."
"I don't want to spend more than $100."
"That's what a used PlayStation 1 goes for."
"But I want a PS2."
"I'm sorry, but StarCraft says I can't talk to you
(note: Sadly, price drop didn't occur as was predicted.- Oct. 2001)
"That'll be $86.51 for the
games including tax."
"How much if I pay with cash?"
"You don't understand, I want to pay in cash."
"What's to understand? It's $86.51."
"Well, that way you don't have to keep a record. You could,
maybe, keep the money for yourself…"
"I see. So I should steal from the owner. Brilliant plan
except that part where I steal from myself, as I'm the owner."
"If you ever plan to rent from me, you will require a credit
"Do you have any Tetris games?"
"Yes, several. Which would you like?"
"Just plain old Tetris."
"Tetris Plus would be best then, as it's budget label and
it's got the original Tetris on it."
"I don't like it. It has extra game modes I don't want."
"Well, you don't have to play them."
"I will not buy it! I want just plain old Tetris!"
"Sir, they don't have it on the PlayStation, they bundle it
"Order me a plain Tetris."
"Sir, I can't get one."
"Then I'll go to that place in the mall, they'll get me one."
"I'm sure they will. I'll phone them and let them know
you're coming. They'll thank me forever…"
Ends! Damn it!
"Do you have any 3DO's for
"That's it? I've been wanting to get another one for the
"How many would you like? I've got a stack."
"I'll get one later."
"Now, I've been running this store for over 3 years. And
as far back as I can remember, you've been coming in and
asking about buying a 3DO. Now, it's $30. They've always
been $30. If $30 is that much of an issue, perhaps you
might want to consider choosing a less expensive hobby?"
"Do you rent 3DO games?"
"No. And I didn't rent 3D0 games last time you asked
"I'll get one next time I'm in."
"Of course you will."
You?! And Why Are You Wearing A Red Shirt?
"Do you still have any used copies of Gran Turismo in?"
"Could you hold one for me?"
"Sure. What is your name?"
"What is my name?"
"Not a difficult question."
"Why do I have to tell you my name?"
"So I know who I'm holding the game for."
"Why do you need to know that?"
"So I know who I'm holding the game for. I believe I said
"Do I have to leave my name?"
"If you want the game held for you."
"Can't you just hold it for me?"
"I am not holding a game for 'person X' who might show up."